Telegram - Serving Metropolitan Detroit Since 1944

Dear Tasha,

Every other year, I plan a week-long girl’s trip and nearly 10 of my close friends get together to decide where we want to go. We’ve been to the Bahamas, San Diego, and Aruba and even on several cruises. The moment we return from one trip, we immediately begin planning for the next. However, these trips have become somewhat expensive for some of the girls and therefore we decided to do shorter excursions; weekend getaways. But, a few weeks ago, a couple of the girls decided to invite me to dinner. We met at one of our favorite restaurants, begin having our drinks and placed our order. It didn’t take long for me to realize that one of our good friends wasn’t in attendance. Naturally, I inquired and that’s when I realized what was happening. The girls no longer wanted her to be part of the girl’s getaways. After much conversation, around the question “why not?” They stated that she’s always the one who doesn’t want to do anything, or late and when she does participate, she complains and usually doesn’t have money to spend all the fun stuff; sightseeing, boating or shows. She drinks too much and gets very scantly with the men and it becomes an embarrassment. I do agree that she can be a handful, and this is what we have become accustom to dealing with. The more we talked, the more I decided that I no longer what her to be a part of the excursions either. She was never like this when we first started our trips. Now, this is the problem; they don’t want to be the one to tell her and decided I should be the one to do the dirty work. I’ve always been the more tactful one in the bunch and had a way of expressing things and smoothing things out. But, how do I tell her this and I’m part of the bunch that doesn’t want her to go! Our planning meeting is coming up soon and I don’t want to invite her. We simply do not want her to join us on the getaways anymore.

Signed,

Loss for words.

Dear Loss for words,

Well, I must admit, you’ve got a situation on your hands. And this is what a call a P.I.C. friend: Problem, Issues and Concerns. But, I don’t think that all the dirty work should be left up to you! Just because you know how to be tactful, doesn’t make it totally your responsibility to share everyone’s feelings about her behavior. However, I would like to address some things you’ve shared, which I feel you and the other girls have overlooked. Ask yourself this; is she one of the girls who has expressed the financial burden of the trips? You even stated that she wasn’t this way when you girls first started taking your trips. I’m just saying, maybe she has been dealing with some financial issues and hasn’t shared this. This may be the reason why she doesn’t really want to participate in the extra-curricular activities, while on vacation. If, I could just be frank for a moment; she may want to attend the ball, but can afford the dress and shoes. You girls shouldn’t be so hard on her. If you decide to take the challenge of expressing everyone’s feelings, please share these words with the girls first and see if a mutual understanding can’t be reached, before you girls decide to exclude her from what is probably one of the most uplifting moments for her; being with the girls. And one more thing, if you girls are vacationing, you really should take a few lessons from her and learn to have some fun. Drink, dance and be merry. Who’s to say, the reason she didn’t want to go out with you girls, is because you all don’t know how to have fun. I once read: Vacation is where you drink triple, see double and act single.

Tasha

Talk to Tasha at: [email protected]